There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore and who always will so don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
Have you thought about the people who matter in your life and the changes that have happened? They are not the same people as a few years ago.
For some reason, certain individuals simply faded away into the past, yet you can’t always pinpoint when that drift occurred or why. However, does it truly matter in the grand scheme of things? Ultimately, not really. Is it a bad thing? Not at all. In fact, life goes on, as we are all busy aiming for our own respective goals.
This very thing hit me last Saturday morning again. It was a reminder that these filters just happen. Not for any reason as such. It was not anything in particular that took place. Maybe it was the fact that I had some free time on my hands. Therefore, my mind started to wander and I was contemplating about things. I was not rushing around trying to get things done. Therefore I could reflect on life. It made me realise that my life has changed and the people in it as well. I began to notice who matters in my life and who does not. The contact with some people has been lost and there was no sense of loss. There is no ill will at all. We just drifted away from each other. I am sure we have all experienced this.
A sense of relief washes over you as you realise this can be a good thing that you don’t have to carry everyone with you anymore.
Finally a time to let go
For so long we are taught to fear empty seats or spaces in our lives. We should be part of a group and conform to things. Worry becomes second nature. We are taught to hold on to the past out of fear that we may be left alone. Therefore this takes up all our thinking. How can I fit in and stay as part of the group or in this connection? Deep down inside you may realise it does not fit, it is not right for me but society has us convinced this is the only way.
However, what if the empty space is not a void? What if it is an invitation?
There comes a point in everyone’s life when the fog lifts. At this moment of clarity, you realize that not everyone is meant to stay in your life. After all, people are not dolls we can control, nor should others be controlling us. Consequently, some people were never meant to be part of your present or your future. Importantly, this is not a tragedy or something bad; rather, it is just a fact of life. Just as we have all heard about decluttering our physical spaces, this is just another part that needs clearing out at times.
Making room for new people who matter
When you finally come to the realization of who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore and who always will a sense of calm washes over you. In other words you are not losing your past you are finally making room for your future.
These people may not have failed you or done you any wrong they simply finished their part in your life story. As they move on with their own lives they leave space in yours. In other words you are free to walk forward and get on with your own life.
Who matters: The anchors
These are the important people in your life who show up when the lights go out. They are not just there to celebrate the good times in your life; they are the ones holding you up when you need the support.
- How to spot them:
These individuals listen to you, celebrate your wins without any jealousy or begrudge you. They will sit with you in your bad times and be there for you
- Their role:
There is usually a mutual respect for each other as you know you are their anchor as well.
- The action:
They are your anchors to prevent you from drifting. Therefore they are the ones you invest time in being part of each other’s lives. This is where your combined future lies. You both choose to be involved.
Who never mattered: The fair weather friends
This group of people is often the hardest to let go of. For some reason you thought you had a deep connection with them and when that fog lifted you realised it was an illusion. They were only interested in what you could do or give them. This may have been your attention, your resources, connections or status. Indeed they only wanted to use you.
- How to spot them:
When you face a crisis they vanish. If you need them they always have excuses. Their interest in you spikes only when you are successful or useful to them. Conversations with them are aways about them and what they want to do. You realise slowly you do not even want to share any private information with them.
- Their role:
Sad as it may be they were teachers in your life. They showed you what your were not ready for. Indeed they taught you about boundaries and how you need to set them to protect yourself. You learned the value of mutual respect and balance by showing you its absence. Therefore you learned the importance of friendship and what you should accept.
- The action:
It is time to release them. Let them go without any bitterness. You are not able to change them, they are who they are and they were never going to be part of your life. Their absence is a gift. One that you have learned more about yourself from and this has freed up space in your life to allow new people into. What better way to encourage this.
Who won't matter anymore: The drifters
The most bittersweet ones. These are not enemies. Instead they were likely friends and may even have been close ones. You shared a bond and for a season of your life you were entwined. Somewhere along the way your paths diverged. One of you grew and the other remained the same. Or perhaps you both grew but in different directions.
- How to spot them:
The usual conversation flow feels forced and uncmfortable. The memories you once shared no longer resonate. You begin to realise you do not share things in common anymore. There is no hatred or malice just quiet. A distance begins to form.
- Their role:
They were companions for a specific season of your life. Maybe they were school friends and you shared the ups and downs of school together. However, you have both graduated and moved in different directions, no longer share time together and the circle of friends have changed as a result.
- The action:
Honour and acknowledge the past. The future cannot be forced. Appreciate the fact that they shared that season or chapters with you and then close that book. Trying desperately to drag them along with you into your future could lead to resentment for both of you. No one wants that.
Who always will matter: The constants
Whoever has these people in their lives are very lucky. They may be family, friends or partners. Individuals who have stood the test of time. The ones who have seen your ups and downs and still chose to be part of your life. They are constant in a world of change.
- How to spot them:
Time and distance does not break the bond you have. You may not have seen or spoke to them for months or sometimes years. However, when you do contact each other it is as if no time has passed at all.
They are your foundation or roots. They are a part of your life and do not have to be there everyday, they choose to be.
- Their role:
This bond should be nurtured and not taken for granted. You will be part of each other’s lives for the long run.
- The action:
This bond should be nurtured and not taken for granted. You will be part of each other’s lives for the long run.
The moment of clarity regarding who matters
Once you have decluttered your circle of contacts into the groups listed above a strange thing happens. The worry you have been experiencing disapears.
You stop worrying about the “fair-weather friends” as you know they were never meant to be. Forcing the “drifters” to stay in your life will never work out. It is time to respect the season or chapter you shared. The dreaded fear of losing the “anchors” disappears as you know how important they are and will focus on the connection.
The “constants” can be cherished and enjoyed.
The space in your life you have now created is not emptiness or a negative thing. It is a possibility or opportunity. Each space you now have is open to meeting new people and enjoying new experiences. Every goodbye whispered is a hello to something better.
You do not have to worry about the people who have left. They are not your responsibility and were not taken from you. They were released by you. You are finding out more about yourself and what you really need in your life.
The people who really matter in your life. They are still there. The ones who never really cared about you and your life goals have taught you how to spot the difference.
Who really matters in your life?
This is your invitation to walk forward in your life. If your life is like a house and it is full of the people in your life. Then, keeping everyone in it does not allow space for new people to enter. Open the back door and let some go. Declutter your life and simplify things. Allow yourself the chance to breathe and smile again. Above all, be open to welcoming new people in your life for a new chapter. Who knows they could become new constants or even anchors. If you notice that it is not working out then you also know how to spot the true people who do respect you.
Would you like a challenge this week?
Take a moment in your day to write down one person in your life who you are ready to release. Not with anger or malice but gratitude. If you feel like it write them a letter outlining how you feel and what they have taught you. you do not have to show them the letter, it is just for you to process the whole thing. Thank them for the lessons they have shown you and wish them well on their own journey. And then, consciously make space for new people.
