Do you ever wish you could just say “no?”
Life is complicated and we all seem to be busy but not always productive. Saying no to everything sounds naughty and a little but fun. Could I say “no!” or is it something that is expected of me and is not even an option?
Of course we all have to do things in our everyday life that we may not want to do. However our responsibilities mean we have to do it. Do you really want to clean the bathroom again? Or wash the dishes, empty the dishwasher. These mundane tasks are just on a loop. While they have to be done they are not really fun and we may just want to shout “no!”
If you have children they have chores to do around the home. While they are aware the tasks have to be done they seem to procrastinate. Do they hope that you will get fed up waiting and do it just so it is done. When you ask them to do it they defiantly state “no!”
Taking in a deep breath you think oh no not again. How many times in a day do I have to hear no from other people? They seem to be able to get away with it or use it so freely.
Children are going through the same thing you are. Dreading the boring tasks they don’t enjoy doing or feel that they have to do it again. They just did it yesterday.
Teenagers seem to be even more defiant and reluctant at times.
The "no" you don't hear from strangers
Running a household or home is challenging at the best of times. As an adult we are faced with having to organize everything from routine cleaning and maintenance to repairs and renovations.
Trying to find someone to do the work around the home is not always easy or even quick.
Your roof needs repair or maintenance and you ring one roofer. He states he will be there on Wednesday to assess the work. Wednesday comes and goes and no sign of the person.
You manage to track down a plumber. That is an achievement in itself. You are lucky enough that they come and look at what needs to be done. They state they will get to you with a quote. They never do.
Booking your car in for a service and you are on the phone to find a possible service date. They don’t just say no it is not possible. Instead they lead you on and say they will call you back.
How much time and energy have you lost in cases like these? Knowing the cost of repairs will be higher if the damage is not repaired now.
The cost will rise and the hunt continues to find someone who will help you.
Why don’t they just say “no” they cannot do your job. Maybe they are fully booked or they have no interest in doing the job you have.
They are the strangers in your life who are working in their best interests. They don’t respect you at all. Either they have enough customers. Possibly they don’t need more but they know you may be back to them at a later date. They don’t need to chase you for work.
The "no" from family and friends
What about the friends, family and acquaintances in your life? Can they really deceive you?
Thinking about how things have worked out or happened, makes you think about things a little differently.
Did you arrange to meet up at 7pm only for them to arrive at 7.45pm. They had plans for 6.30pm elsewhere and had no way of getting there at 7pm. They did not contact you that they are running late.
Promise to help you with that task. However they don’t turn up or even let you know they can’t make it or even intend to help.
There are so many situations where you may think why don’t they just say “no” if they can’t do something. We all have responsibilities and priorities and it may not be possible for them to do as they promised. If they don’t want to do it just say “no.” It allows you to work around it and find another solution to your situation
It may also be that you are not good at time keeping. You often run late so they may be adapting your lifestyle. Does it make it ok? No, not really.
However if you are not respecting your own time and self why would other people?
Why do people find it hard to say no?
Well that is a good question. It is a short word and can mean so much.
So many of us are people pleasers and don’t want to offend anyone. Some may empathise with others. They know what it is like to need the help and would like to be helped when they need it.
You don’t want to be considered to be the one who comes across as aloof. Above everyone else not helping others and thinking only of themselves.
How can some people do it all?
We all know someone who seems to do it all. They run their home, their family, manage their job and volunteer within the community. It seems to be possible. Is it though?
You may not see behind the curtains so to say. That one person can do it all because the other members of the family are doing more of the household work. Or the person themselves are running themselves into the ground by saying yes to everything to please everyone. Their own health may be suffering as a result. They can’t keep doing this for long and may not know how to stop or reduce their workload.
Why saying no is so important
We may have a hard time being able to say no, it is however so important. No one can do it all. We all only have 24 hours in a day and have so much we all need to do.
What could saying no do for you?
It could free up some time for you
Wouldn’t that be amazing in itself. To have more time for the things you need to do.
Saying no builds up our own self confidence. Steps to become more assertive and positive about your own life. If you don’t enjoy the party scene but feel like you have to say yes to be in the group. Is it really the group you feel comfortable in?
Staying true to yourself. If having the time to relax, unwind and read a book or get some projects done in your own home is what you want and need right now then it means it is something that you need done for yourself. Saying no to the external request allows you the ability to focus on your priorities.
Helps you to learn more about self respect. You need to respect yourself and the things you can do or want to do. If you agree to expensive outings the group or family want to do is it in your best interest? Are you going into debt or having to cut back on something in your life?
That is putting yourself down the list of what is important.
Why should it be in the best interest of others?
Respect yourself
By respecting yourself you are actually showing respect to others . You are not out to please everyone and forget yourself. By being consistent and honest with the people in your life. Saying yes to the things you can do and no to those that are not possible right now means you are building up a positive and solid relationship. They adapt and reciprocate or understand. They realise that when you say yes you will do it and be there. You are someone who is honest, genuine and reliable. Saying no means they know where they are and can find someone else who can help them this time.
Is it easy to start saying no?
No it is not, nothing is easy in the beginning. Mistakes will be made. You may even find out how other people really are. There will be some people who are furious with you that you let them down and start accusing you of things. This may be a real eye opener for you when you start to realise how little these people think of you. You cannot have a life for yourself or want to do something other than be there for them 24/7.
It is also time to stop and think, when you need to ask someone for help are they the people that you think of first or even second? Or do you know they won’t and write it off as they have a busy life and don’t have the time to help. Mutual respect and honesty is the best basis for a friendship or relationship.
What can I do?
The best approach is not to react or say anything at first. Take a moment to breathe and stay calm. This will help you quickly assess if it is something you want to say yes to or should you be saying no. It allows you the chance of getting the right thing out.
Trust your gut and if something is making you stop and pause then there must be a reason why you are hesitating.
Even if your answer is something like “No, I can’t, I have other commitments.” You do not need to explain what they are or even if it is just you protecting yourself in the moment.
Learning how and when to just say no is not easy. However, when you learn how to assess the questions and whether they are possible for you to do or if it is just not possible for personal reasons or time/money constraints right now. Respect yourself and agree to the requests that work for you in the season of life you are in right now. This also allows you to say no when you need to and also agreeing to the ones you can commit to.
