It’s 1:47am and the house has been quiet for a while now. You are burning the midnight oil again.
Everyone is asleep. The sounds outside have died down and the only light in the home is the one I am sitting at now. Well, apart from the constant light from the wifi, booster, carbon monoxide monitor and the endless list of lights that seem necessary for a normal human to function in the world today. I don’t really know what they’re all for but they all claim to be vital.
The tea beside me went cold about an hour ago. How do I know? I tried to take a sip and noticed it immediately. Where has my brain gone and what have I done in the time the tea took to cool down? I will be tired tomorrow – I already know that – and right now, I don’t care. I seem to feel tired when I get to bed early as well, so it seems to be something I can manage.
For this reason, I feel like saying I don’t care right now. Not because I am a glutton for punishment – no, I am feeling so happy and at peace right here and now.
That said, just for the record, this is not a post about the hustle culture so many live in. There are so many posts about getting to bed early and waking up early to reinvent yourself and be more productive with your time. Get things done in the early morning and set yourself up for a full day of activity. We have all read so many posts and heard so many inspirational talks about this method. It sure does seem to work for some people and I am genuinely happy that they have found their sweet spot.
One size does not fit all and it won’t work for everyone no matter how we try to force ourselves into it.
The sweet spot for me
The sweet spot for me is this. The strange, quiet luxury of being awake when the world is not. You are alone, doing something that you want to do. Not because you have to do it or are expected to do it. You are here because you want to be. There is nowhere else you want to be right now. This time is just for you.
The work you are doing may not be glamorous. It doesn’t matter what it is, and I imagine it is the same for you.
What is it about the midnight hours.
Daytime is chopped up into sections. When to wake up. What needs to be done before leaving the home. Chores and errands to squeeze into the normal daily routine. Emails arrive, the phone rings again. Someone knocks on the door or dumps more work on your desk. You are trying to get things done in 10 or 20 minute time blocks before the next interruption arrives and disrupts your work flow.
By the end of the day, you feel as if you have touched up to 100 things and finished almost none of them. The frustration sets in, as you know that you have to add these things onto tomorrow’s to-do-list and juggle those demands in with them.
Nighttime is different. Nothing interrupts you at 1:47am. There is no one demanding your attention or your time. The hours stop belonging to everyone else and start to belong to you. Then the realisation hits; time moves differently, and you are more productive and can think clearly. This feels amazing.
Burning the candle at both ends
No, I never planned on being a night person. I always thought it was a bad idea and I would realise this soon enough. Much like sorting out the garage and decluttering the attic sometime. I suppose the sleep experts would say it is bad and that I should stop immediately. Maybe they have a point, within reason. Doesn’t it depend on how your whole day is spent, and whether you do this on a regular basis or now and again.
Staying up till all hours
It also depends on the season of your life. When we were young and going out with friends seems like the only thing to do, there were plenty of late nights – or only returning early morning. Oh, so many cherished memories.
Everyone with a new born baby through to the toddler years knows all about burning the midnight oil, and most of us would not change it for anything in the world. Waking up to feed your baby may seem tedious and a struggle, knowing you would be up again in a few short hours – then you realise this moment will pass soon enough and be lost in the memory box of your mind. Those special moments of one-on-one bonding time with your baby feel so much more important and can never be replaced.
Even being up at night with your sick child is something that happens to so many of us. Torn between trying to help and comfort our sick child, and the frustration or guilt at not being able to take the pain away.
These hours may feel like they belong to other people and not to you. But they are times when you are needed, and you are right there where you are meant to be and want to be.
These are all phases that we pass through, and for the most part, we only notice when they are over. The whole night is yours again.
But other nights are mine alone. Then you find yourself up at night later than normal again, and you stop and smile. You are there just for you again. In your happy bubble in the middle of the night. Your brain is awake; you know you can’t fall back asleep, not right now. The sleep can wait. This moment is just for you. You get to use your brain power just for you. Tomorrow will come anyway.
Why burn the oil at night?
I have spent time musing about this, the way I muse about most things in my life. The honest answer is that the midnight hours are the only ones I fully own. The day belongs to the responsibilities I have as an adult, to other people’s timetables, having to do things whether I love them or not. But this late night time I have is golden. It may only be 15 minutes until my eyes just feel heavy and my bed pulls me in, or it may be an hour or two, depending on my inspiration. No one owns me or expects something from me. No one is judging me. This is a moment of freedom, just for me.
Do I love burning the oil at night?
The answer is yes on those nights when the inspiration hits. During the day I may regret this – and most of the time, I do. I have guilty feelings: am I punishing myself and losing out on sleep in the process, and therefore harming my health?
I am honest here, and it does cost me sometimes. Feeling tired and unproductive during the day is frustrating. I hate hearing the alarm buzzing, trying to wake me up when I have just seemed to have entered my deep sleep. Some days I do not wake up fully until midday or even later. My brain just doesn’t feel like it will kick into action for that day. Every so often, my body sends me an invoice that I have to accept – a migraine is a sign that I need to pull on my brakes and let my body rest and recover.
Why do I do it then?
I am still being honest, and I have to say some of my best work and clearest moments have come during those times of burning the midnight oil. Something happens to my mind in those hours of solitude that seem to fire up my synapses. When I take some notebook or pages and just write down what is on my mind, or how could I handle this situation, the words seem to flow and my hands are playing catch-up. Everything is written down and the notes are made. This is not time for editing or proofreading – that would be scary in the light of day. However, when I have picked up the pages during the day and reread them, I find myself nodding and smiling to myself. My eyebrows have been known to rise as I read the words on the page. A moment of enlightenment.
Would I recommend burning the midnight oil?
No, I would not give this advice. I have learned my lesson about one-size-fits-all. I know it does not, and what works for me may be useless for you. However, if you have found the thing that you love doing, and you notice that you are gravitating towards it in the strangest hours – when everyone else is sleeping and no one is cheering you on – then that is something you could listen to. Let’s be real, the tiredness does exist and so does the desire to pull that late-nighter. Both can be true, and you need to decide what is best for you.
It’s nearly 3am here and the tea is finished, the house is still quiet and the others are still asleep. This is where I should be now, as I know I will regret this later on in the morning as I hug my favourite mug with a second fill of coffee to wake me up.
My daytime responsibilities call, and that will be respected. But tonight belonged to me. And the oil tonight was worth burning.
So what have I learned from all this musing?
The mistake is not in staying up late. The mistake is spending your late nights on work you don’t love. That is the debt that never gets paid back.
When you stay back late for your job, you do it to complete the tasks you have been assigned and to ensure the work is done. Will you be compensated for the extra hours? Most of us never are – and mostly, this work is taken for granted, with no remuneration or even time off.
Staying up late or waking up at night to feed your baby or care for a sick child is not about the chore or the expectation, but the love for your children and knowing that you are right there where you want and need to be. This is just a season in life, and it will pass. They grow so quickly and will soon not need you – so make the most of the time you are needed. This also applies to caring for older relatives, and also to pets you may have.
When the work is yours – truly yours – the midnight oil is not burning you down. It is lighting you up and that is what makes it inspiring.
Do I burn the oil every night?
Oh no, definitely not. Do I do it regularly? No, I don’t have a schedule. It is something that pulls me in – or not.
I know myself when I have the feeling that there is not point in going to bed because I won’t sleep, I need to do a brain dump so to speak. Things are looking a little clearer, and now is the time to let it go. The beautiful thing about it is the freedom of choice. When I feel inspired and buzzed, I am ready to go.
Now I am prepared – with hot tea or hot chocolate in a thermos to keep it warm, a blanket and cosy wear in the winter or cooler months, and water in the warmer months. With age comes some wisdom. Listening to my body, and knowing when it needs sleep more than staying awake, is one of the lessons I learned along the way.
Burning the midnight oil can be something positive.
