“Life is a rollercoaster whereby you can either scream every time you hit a bump or alternatively, you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.”
Imagine that familiar feeling. You are sitting in a rollercoaster, and as the click-clack of the chain lift is dragging you up the first hill. It feels like such a slow process. You wonder when exactly it will end. In fact, It feels as if your stomach is dropping before you even reach the peak. Then, suddenly you hear another click and the safety bar locks in place. As the world seems to tilt forward, and without warning, you are plummeting to the ground at break neck speed.
Meanwhile, the force of the wind is pushing your body back into the seat. Your hair is flattened against your face, perhaps over your eyes, causing you to panic since you cannot see. The wind is screaming in your ears. Without even realising it, you are gripping that safety bar with all your strength and your knuckles are white. For some reason you are now convinced that this fall is going to last what feels like forever.
But take heart – you are safely in your seat right now, so there is no need to panic. Take a nice deep breath. Because here’s the thing: that feeling is not just a thrill ride at the local fair. Instead, it may be the same feeling you are experiencing as you navigate a career change or a break up in a relationship. Alternatively, it could also be a sudden illness of either yourself or close family member. Indeed, the feeling of falling and not being able to control it is so scary.
Admittedly, we all wish that life could run smoothly and we stay on the ground – nice and steady at a gentle pace. However, life is not like this at all.
Life is a rollercoaster
It is a sensation that we should not desire to stop. Maybe we need to adjust our way of thinking. A time to realise that the drop is not something negative, it is when the real magic happens. Yes, we have all done it in these moments. We find ourselves gripping that safety bar with our knuckles so white that it looks like a ghost.
What if living in fear means we are missing the moment. Is there a way of enjoying this ride?
The climb in the rollercoaster of life
This is where patience is tested. Every great idea, no matter how small starts with a climb. It is slow and may feel like it is taking forever to get anywhere. If you are brave enough you may glance down to the ground and watch it get further away from you. Your inner voice may begin to question “Is this the right decision? Should this be happening? Why is this taking so long?”
We normal people would consider this the grind part of life. The leg work we need to do to get to the goal. Months of learning for an exam. Months if not years of building up the side hustle to attain a certain level. Maybe it is a recovery journey after an illness. It just feels as if nothing is happening and no progress is made.
This is not the case though. This is where energy is building up. Without this climb or grind there would be no momentum. The struggle and battle you are going through right now is what trains you for what is coming ahead. Put your faith in this climb and the lessons you are learning along the way.
The drop in the rollercoaster of life
This is where you embrace the fall. Without realising it there comes a moment of no return. The track you are on dips and gravity takes over. You are not failing. This is the serious moment of that crisis. Whether it is a layoff or redundancy, the diagnosis or heartbreak. Whatever the situation is right in this moment your first instinct may be to panic. How do you fight gravity and stay up? You want to scream “stop!”
Now is the secret to rollercoasters. You are safe as long as you are on the track. It is designed and engineered to ensure your safety. (Yes, of course unfortunately sometimes things go wrong. However considering how many people ride on rollercoasters at any given time let’s just continue using it as a metaphor)
When life drops and us with it we often make the mistake of trying to fight the feeling. We ponder over what went wrong, what we did wrong. Some may try to force a solution before they have had time to process the situation. This is not a time of fear or panic. The drop is designed to be experienced. A release of emotions and a chance to process it all. A time to let go.
Want to try this?
The next time you feel that drop and the fear building up. Don’t close your eyes gripping that bar tighter. Instead, take a deep breath and tell yourself “I am falling and I am safe.” Repeat it a few times if you need to. Feel the wind and the speed of the drop. The fear is real but the danger is often not there. Your mind is playing tricks and you are allowing it.
The loops when everything is upside down in life
As often with roller coasters it is not a simple up and down all the time. Sometimes the ride spins or loops. That sounds like fun for some. You feel like you are getting turned upside down, disoriented and unsure which way is up. This is the phase of life that feels chaotic and you have lost all control. There is no routine and no chance of planning at all.
It would be easy to think “something is wrong. Am I broken?” The important thing to remember here is that being upside down is just a position right now. It is not a permanent state. The loop you are on is designed to correct itself. The feeling of disorientation will dissipate.
Being stuck in the loop is not the time to feel panic. Just breathe. Trust the physics that the ride will bring you back to solid ground again. This is all part of the course.
The break runs
Eventually the ride slows down and you can catch your breath again. The brakes hiss and the momentum begins to fade. You are brought to a gentle stop. The body begins to calm down and the breathing slows. It is the quiet after the storm.
This is the step that is often overlooked and skipped. Many people jump straight back in and want to go for another thrill ride and others prefer to dwell on the trauma of the fall. However this part is essential.
Did you survive the ride? Yes, you did and what did you learn from it? Do you feel any different compared to when you started?
Take a moment or two to ruminate and acknowledge your resilience in the whole thing. You did not just watch the ride, it happened to you. You were in the front row and you survived the climb, drop and the loops. After all that you are still here.
Loosen your grip
A good question is why do we spend so much of our lives gripping tightly onto that safety bar? We often see our knuckles turning white. Is it because we are afraid to fall? Do we have to control everything perfectly? Is there a way of avoiding those drops? If there are no drops there is no speed and that would mean that life is slow and boring at one level. A ride that really does not go anywhere.
The goal in life is not trying to get off the rollercoaster or not get on. The goal is to learn how to ride the rollercoaster of life and learn from the whole experience.
Life is a rollercoaster.
Take a few moments and think about one part of your life where you are gripping the “safety bar” too tightly. Is it a relationship you are trying to control and failing? A project at work that you are trying to micromanage and it is not working? How about something that is worrying you and you are just obsessing about it but not getting anywhere?
- Get comfortable and take a deep breath in. Hold for a few seconds and breathe out slowly.
- Acknowledge the fear you are feeling right now.
- Remind yourself about the safety mechanisms that you have ( your skills, support from friends and family and resilience with your life experiences.)
- 4. The fun part. Consciously “loosen your grip” Take that one small step that requires you to let go and trust the process rather than try and control the result.
Life is a exciting, wild, unpredictable and terrifying ride. The track is already there. The operator is ready to go. All you have to do is get into the cart, sit back, take that deep breath, and let the ride take you where it needs to go. You got this!
